Eli sneaking into my suitcase while packing for NYC.
Failing Forward – The Process of Learning From My Mistakes and Coming Out The Other Side
I find myself in a reflective state of mind a lot lately. When I say a lot, I mean exactly that. A year and a half ago my life was completely different. There was no blog of any sort, just the stereotypical SAHM/Soccer mom driving her station wagon from one basketball game to another, followed by soccer season, and finishing the year off with summer swim team. Then I would repeat the process like I’ve always done with a coffee in one hand and the other on the steering wheel.
How I got to this point in my life, I don’t know. I get asked all the time on how I manage everything and once again, I don’t know. I just do it. I stay up far too late and wake up earlier than everyone else. But that would be too easy to just say all you have to do is stay up late and wake up early and your blog will take off. Not so true.
I like to consider myself a student of life. I love to study and research anything that fancies me and after I get bored with a certain topic, I move on to the next. But there are some things a text book cannot teach you. For instance, the school of hard knocks. How does one study this topic? I can specifically recall failing several times in poor decision making on a regular basis. The easy answer would be to learn from my mistakes the first time around. BUT NO… I seemed to have a knack for making the same mistakes over and over again until it hurt so bad I did not think my heart could take it anymore. Until it hurt so bad I surrendered myself to the fact my situation would not improve until I accepted it was beyond my own strength to fix anything. Like manna from heaven, the little courageous part of me started to grow. I started making uncomfortable decisions I knew were the right ones to make contrary to the popular vote. In the long run these decisions would be my saving grace and help me to become more of a whole person.
I remember when I couldn’t set boundaries with people. I would get asked, “Alice would mind doing this…. (YES) Alice could you help me ….. (YES)” I could not say no and my fear of rejection overruled plain common sense. So I went the opposite direction. “Alice… (NO) Alice…. (UM.. NO!!)” And after some time had passed I found a healthy balance of setting boundaries with people who liked to take advantage of my “saying yes to everything” dysfunction. Now days I only say yes to projects I absolutely want to do and people I want to work with. And guess what? I’m not miserable trying to please people. And you know what I learned in the process? You cannot please everyone, and that’s ok!
I could give you countless examples of areas I’ve failed in but you know what? The moment I understood the world doesn’t revolve around other people or even myself I became a happier person. I gave myself permission to take chances and if I failed, at least I tried. There would be no doubting or second guessing. What I’ve learned is this -failing forward requires overcoming life’s challenges. The process in doing this is often ugly, with lots of mascara filled tears, and heaps of self doubt along the way. But I’ve also learned that when fear and faith collide, faith wins every time. Now when I screw up, I accept it as a life lesson and try to figure out what is to be learned from the mistake. I apply it to my life along with wisdom when making decisions. You would be amazed how much farther you can go when you’re not making the exact same mistakes over and over. It is so nice to walk a straight line instead of going in circles! It’s such a simple concept but so many people (including myself) do not get this. In this stage of my life I can definitely testify I have overcome and conquered some big giants in my life. Lies I used to believe have suddenly disappeared to truths that have set me free. Free at last, free at last.. thank God Almighty I’m free at last.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
“I remember when I couldn’t set boundaries with people. I would get asked, “Alice would mind doing this…. (YES) Alice could you help me ….. (YES)” I could not say no and my fear of rejection overruled plain common sense.”
Oh lord, do I know this well. I’m learning how to set my own boundaries, which is such a tough process when it’s unfamiliar. But I’m working on it, and you know what? It’s coming together.
Now it’s time to make of the toughest decisions I’ve ever had to make. I know what’s good for me, but…. it’ still hard. Sigh.
Stephanie: You know what sucks about saying “yes” to people you know very well you should be saying “no ” to? It’s the crappy feeling you get inside your gut that says, sucker! It is amazingly disgusting how nice people will be to you when they want something. The moment they get what they want, you go back to being ignored…. until the next time they need you. The price of wanting to feel accepted isn’t worth it if you have to sell your soul to the devil.
PS: It was great meeting you briefly in NYC. I hope we can get to know each other more in SF!
wow…thanks for sharing your vulnerability. I think it’s amazing to see all of your accomplishments…and remembering who to credit it. Amen.
This is such an honest post and it probably rings true with so many of us reading it. My issue isn’t so much that I say “yes” to everything, as it is that I feel guilty when I say “no.” I’m working on that one.
Alice, I’m so behind. I didn’t realize you started your personal blog again. I’ll scroll thru and catch up. I can’t believe how big Eli has gotten. Where has the time gone.
I’m a recovering “yes” person too. I know right where you are coming from.
Joy
I know what you’re talking about. I used to be like that too. I wanted approval and I would things for people and keep doing things and I never felt appreciated. I don’t do that anymore. Like you, I only do things that want to do and for people I want to do things for. I have a choice in the matter and I feel much better and in control. It’s taken me a while to figure this out but I’m glad I have and it’s never too late.
You ever heard of the saying, always make new mistakes? Always feel challenged in new ways. I’ve found life is much more rewarding. Tootles. S
I just want to say this… when you said at BSPL that you weren’t a writer, I am here to tell you you that is not true. You have a real talent for writing, Alice. I know it doesn’t come easy to you, but reading post like these make me want to read more of what you have to say.
Can totally relate to everything you said above, by the way