January 15, 2000
Ten years ago today, my husband and I said “I do”. Our wedding was done on a shoe string budget. Our friends took pictures, I made my own wedding cake, our reception was in the church gym, and our family and friends witnessed the beginning of our life together as Mr. and Mrs. Currah. In some ways I cannot believe it’s been ten years. It went by so fast. Three kids later… here we are, still together and thriving – stronger than ever.
However, it wasn’t always like this. After the birth of my second daughter, Mimi, we went through 2 difficult years of being married to one another. I had always heard of the “seven year itch“, but we had only been married 4 years. During those tumultuous years, I honestly believed our marriage would not survive. But it did survive; literally a miracle. Some day I may share our story with you but today is not that day. Instead I am leaving you with a list:
10 Things I have Learned About Being Married to Rob
(in no particular order)
- Marriage is never 50%/50%. It’s both people giving 101%. There will be days where one person may be at 20% and the other is carrying them the rest of the way, but it’s never 50/50.
- Marriage is about acceptance. To accept each other regardless of where that person is – is an act of love. By no means should someone accept abusive or unhealthy behaviors. Acceptance is merely accepting who that person is. Each person will have strengths and weaknesses. Encourage the strengths and accept the weaknesses.
- Forgiveness is foundational. Just saying the words “I forgive you” isn’t enough. Releasing that person from the punishment of their wrongdoings is forgiveness – a pure act of grace. And if you’re not sure if you have truly forgiven your mate, ask yourself this one question. Am I still bitter? If the answer is yes then you may have some work to do. My husband isn’t perfect, but neither am I.
- Being honest with one another. When you’re married there are no secrets. None. I even share weird disturbing dreams I have at night. Honesty is a key to trust. No honesty, no trust.
- Being sensitive. Recently I was reminded that I need to be more sensitive. People have different pasts, perspectives, and “buttons”. What is no big deal to me, may be a big deal to Rob – and vice versa.
- Working Together As a Team. Its always better to work as a team and be partners in marriage. Having a model where one person is “up” and the other person is “down” is a model for disaster. Side by side is where it’s at.
- Communication. Communicate in a manner in which the other person is valued and respected is always a win-win situation.
- Humility – Sometimes its hard to remain humble, esp. when arguing about silly things. But a prideful heart will get you no where other than a night on the couch – ROB!
- Laughter. I think this is why we remain strong. We laugh each day at each other and at ourselves. We joke around all the time. Laughter is a gift that keeps us grounded.
- Sacrifice. Self explanatory.
- Bonus: HAPPY WIFE=HAPPY LIFE
Perhaps you have your own list. Share your thoughts below.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Alice,
Congratulations on your 10 year anniversary! My husband and I will celebrate 5 years of marriage in October. It was so interesting to read how your fourth year was rough, we had the same experience. It was through God’s grace that we survived and of course are the better for it. Hope you have a wonderful day celebrating!
I discovered your blog this morning through The Pioneer Woman. I can’t wait to start reading.
Emily
I’m learning that marriage is definitely hard work. But with that, I’m seeing that it is worth the effort.
Congrats on 10 years and blessings to you and your family!
I discovered your blog this am through PW… We will hit 10 years in August…. I love your list. We’ve had similar “will our marriage survive this?” times, so wonderful to walk out on the other side of it, and know that you are a better person, and your relationship is stronger because of it.
Happy anniversary to you and the hubs. 10 years is truly a blessing. Here’s 10 more and beyond for you two.
Happy anniversary, Alice! Enjoy.
Happy 10th Anniversary to you both…this is remarkable! We all go through life with ups and downs, without them, there won’t be anything to learn. Best wishes and many more to come. Cheers to you both.
I got to your website via your Sweet and Savory website. Loved the chocolate covered strawberries – especially the one with the chocolate bow tie!
i just found you via not martha and i love what you have to say about marriage, especially the 101% part. may the next 10 years and beyond be full of adventure, love and joy.
Mabrook (Congrats) on your tenth year together!! That’s so exciting!
I, also, love that 101% part, that is so very very true.
Great post, Alice! My husband, Peter, and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary in October 2009. I can’t believe how fast 10 years went by. If I think about it too long, it makes me want to cry. Life really does go by in the blink of an eye. We, too, had several difficult years that started right after we were married. Although, none of the difficulty had anything to do with either of us doing anything wrong. Instead, it was my own parents and several immediate family members who all participated in lying, betrayal and deceitfulness. Peter and I uncovered the truth together and he stayed by me through the years I was depressed, angry and sad. I don’t know how he did it, and the first years of our marriage are somewhat of a blur for me. Thankfully, I got the help I needed and made decisions for myself and our marriage that made me a stronger person. I am estranged from the family members who betrayed me, but it was necessary. I couldn’t have gotten better if it weren’t for Peter and his patience and love. He will always be my best friend.
Great post! My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, and I have learned a few of the same lessons. It’s always great for a reminder, though. Hope you have a happy anniversary!
Loved the post Alice, and Happy Anniversary! Congrats on 10 years and for plenty more here on after! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you to everyone for your sweet comments! We had a lovely time in downtown Seattle and I received the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. Looking forward to the next 10 years.
10 years – Holla!
we hit that mark in October. I love your list, and #11 is right: “if momma ain’t happy -i ain’t no one happy” is SO true.
Happy Anniversary! That’s a good list…now perhaps Rob will share his 10 things he has learned being married to Alice?
Excellent list! after almost 28 years there’s still plenty to work on!
Congratulatons and Thank You!
I think this is a great list. My hubby and I are approaching our 20th (!) anniversary, and the advice I always give newly married couples is to give each other the benefit of the doubt and trust that your spouse has your best interests at heart. This idea encompasses many of the points on your list, but I like how you spelled it all out.
We didn’t have any real problems until years 12-14, but made it through and came out stronger for the struggle. I think it’s sad that so many couples today aren’t willing to put in the work or give up too easily. Congratulations to you and Rob!
You hit the nail on the head, Alice! And all of those things encompass mutual RESPECT & TRUST! Being willing to be vulnerable and open yourself completely to the other w/o fear – the ultimate intimacy! My hubby and I will celebrate 19 years on June 15, and these are totally the things we advise when asked. There is no ‘one secret’ to a successful marriage. THAT is the secret! Congrats to you! (Belated!)
Congratulations on 10 years!! We celebrated 5 years on 1/15! I found your website thru PW and the Tasty Kitchen. So many yummy recipes to try and so little time! Thanks for taking the time to share your list, I agree with all of it. Communication is a hard one for me, I have a hard time talking about things. My husband is a big talker so he gets frustrated with me~alot! Best Wishes!Jodi